i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
