The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
