Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
