if i can run in heels then i can drive
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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