Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
