so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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