people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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