i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
