i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
