Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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Are my feet made of real feet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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