what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
