I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
