I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
