You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
