Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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