he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize