I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This house was built for laser tag.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
