everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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