# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
