I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He? As in you personified your dick?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
