This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
