paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
