You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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