I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
