currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
