He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
