I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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