I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
