my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
