Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
