I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
