make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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