I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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