Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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