Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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