I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
