I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
