i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
