dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
bring money and cleavage
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
