Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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