Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
