I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
