Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
