I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
