She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
