If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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