First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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