There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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