:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
