i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
