adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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