I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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