last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
