i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
