David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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