I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
