I can tuck mytits in my pants
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
