last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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