I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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