My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
