All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
