honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
