The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
