Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
