my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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