Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
