It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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