I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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