I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
