I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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