Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
