What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
