Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
