it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do herpes really smell.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
