Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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