maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
