no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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