We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
