all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Still dying that you shit outside
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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