Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
